Sunday, June 7, 2009

"Dad's in the house"

Good morning,
Jesse is sleeping right now after an active night of a little high blood pressure and going to the bathroom a lot. She is so pretty. It reminds me of the days when she was just a baby and I would watch her sleep. I guess it started way back with Lindsay just watching her breath to make sure she still was (first babies are always the most nerve racking). When Dee had Dakota I had already had practice with Lindsay so if anything happened or if she needed changing when we went out to eat I was always the one that took care of it. Then when Jesse came along Dee started taking over. She was the one that called 911 when Jesse turned blue when she was about one. And our little "glow bug" (McKenzie) had a high Bilirubin when she was born and was wrapped with a black light type blanket for weeks so Doctor Dee took charge of it. Seems Jesse has been a hand full since birth though always getting lots of attention (look what I can do). Well, she has my attention now. I am not sure if a bond between a Father and son is anything like the bond between a Father and daughter (McKenzie was my last chance to find out) but I can tell you there is nothing stronger than my love for all my daughters. I am sure all the parents know what I am talking about. Your kids will be your kids forever. They grow up and move out and maybe get married or just start their own lives but they are still your babies and you worry about them all the time. I want to stop here and thank my Mom for hanging in there with my brother and me. We were a hand full for a single mom with a bad heart. I'm sure we didn't help it any either. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you while I was growing up (I guess I am still trying to grow up but now I'm Dee's problem).
When I curled up on the bed last night with Jess I actually had a moment where I thought I was in control and could protect her from all the things that are attacking her. We talked about how close to the end of the marathon she was and how 8 months ago she was taking her first step of this journey. I reminded her of all the trials she had come through and that this next two weeks of getting enough ANC to come home is the easy part. She has a few mouth sores but I reminded her of the last time she had the sores (and to keep taking her medicine for the sores regardless of the terrible taste). Just scroll back and check out the pictures (February 7). She doesn't have them near as bad. What a blessing. Her sheet hasn't come in yet so I don't know if she has any ANC but we will update when we find out.
Jesse is awake now so I am signing off. I have the strongest urge to go kiss her face and hold her.
Dee, Jesse wants you to bring prenatal vitamins when you come. Is there something Dad doesn't know about (MATT!?). I didn't think so.
Thanks for following the blog and a special thanks to the people who write in. Jesse loves to hear what you have to say.


Lisa said...

Good morning from the Suazos! Always love your posts, Clent. You do show your heart in your writings.

We can relate to the "watching them sleep and breathe" - anytime one of our kids was sick, they slept with me - Tito was on the couch! He never complained though. It just worked best as I had to reach over and check their temp or hear them breathe.

Jesse is in such good hands - all around her and up above her.

Seems the ANC is slower than usual to start its climb . . . maybe we are all just so anxious for that magic number that says Jesse goes home!

Love and prayers from our house to yours!

praisinyahweh said...


God has a way of teaching us in everything doesn't He? He unfolds the most beautiful, touching truths for us. The description you wrote about being a father was in many ways the way I pictured God caring over me when I was sick ... curled up next to me, holding my face and kissing my forehead. Thank you for your transparent heart. Know that God is holding you as well.

Jesse .. HANG IN THERE! You are in the home stretch! I remember them well. I did not think that I had energy enough to do them, even though I could see the finish line. I was just so tired and broken from the journey. I was tired of the side-effects and was just done emotionally. Know that it is the most difficult right before the dawn my little survivor friend. I know that you are tired, the battle has been long ... but take a deep breath ... say a deep prayer ... grab on to God's hand and press forward. One more strong push towards the end my friend and you will be done. Such a celebration. I know that there has a been a price for you to pay. One day you will look back at it all and see what the price you paid brought. God will show you what He accomplished through your suffering. One day you will see the blessings that gifted not only to you but those that joined you emotionally on this journey. One day you will be able to sort through it all and put to words all you have learned, and you will have such an advantage. You like so many other survivors, will know truths about life that will free you to live it ever so richly at such a young age. I am so proud of you Jesse, and I hope that if you are not in Hawaii that I will be seeing you in the skit for Women's retreat! The next chapter of your life is so close dear one ...

Toni said...

We all know that parent/child bond regardless of how old they are. It's a blessing to have those feelings of unconditional love for our children ~ even if one of ours is 29! Your daughters are all very lucky to have you and Dee.

We hope you have a good week with lots of recovery towards that goal of GOING HOME!!!!!

With our love from Oregon,
Mark, Toni, Trevor & Austin