Sunday, February 1, 2009

Welcome to our room

Good morning to all of Jesse's friends and family,

I have posted a picture of Jesse's room so when you are reading about the things going on here you will have a better picture in your mind. It's hard so tell you all about all the things she goes through. Some are so personal that I probably shouldn't. I know Dee holds back a little. We send pictures of a happy, beautiful Jesse doing something with her friends or being somewhere when really that's not the little girl I hold in my arms right now. My intentions are not to make anyone sad but rather to let them know the reality of the situation.

You read books and hear it said so often how different men and women are. If you look at your own relationships, or people that you know, it's true for everyone. I have always been the rock. The solid fortress that my family has been surrounded by. If you want to get to them you come through me. Good luck. I think most men fit this roll and it is expected of us. Women look for that in a man so they feel safe as they play out their role as "home base". The organizer, caregiver and so much more. Women that have to work come home and have to do all of this too as if one job or the other wasn't enough. I can't tell you how much I admire ALL women and especially ALL the women in my life. Women have the open arms where we can run and hide while they solve all of life's ups and downs as they happen in the family. They put the bandages on all of our problems. They have the listening skills, that are put to work each day, to hear each problem regardless of how small and yet make you feel it is so very important. Dee is all of that and more. She possesses so many admirable traits and is so strong when it comes to all of the adversities we have encountered in the last 18 years. She is the one holding our family together now since my broken heart has left me of very little use in that area. I felt like I was once invincible and my emotions were gaurded. I don't think Dee had ever seen me cry until all of this. (Who ever said cowboys don't cry never had a kid go through Leukemia treatment). I didn't share my feeling with anyone outside my girls. I have become transparent (that must God at work). I don't consider myself weak by any means......just broken. I lean on Dee more and more as Jesse's health hits critical points. I have never been much of a social person. I can say besides Dee being my best friend I only have a couple of guys that I would call good friends. Dee on the other hand can be a light in any room she walks in. People are just attracted to her and her personality (duh. She's beautiful). I just want to say thank you Dee for allowing me to be part of your life. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you so much for the help you provide to me each day getting me through this.

Sorry. I thought we were doing good. Jesse just threw up blood again so we have to start our count down over. The pain she goes through when she throws up in hard to describe. She cries through the whole thing so I know it's off the chart.. Her body is also sending the blood draining from her open sores out through the other end apparently. Her urine is orange/yellow and her pooh is black. I am so thankful. Her ANC is still 0. They gave her Platelets yesterday and took blood cultures. They are keeping an eye on her Kidneys because her Bellirubin is still high. She ran a fever for a part of yesterday. I crushed up her two Tylenol in her plastic mini shot glass her meds come in and added enough water she could drink them and chase it with water. That worked much better than trying to swallow two "rocks". That is the way they will be giving her anything she needs to swallow. Her breathing is still difficult. With her swelling still being so bad she has to breath through her nose. I was curled up with her and as she was falling asleep she started to snore. She woke up and turned toward me. I could see in her eyes what the question was. I said "that wasn't me". She got embarrassed about it. I told her it was no big deal and her body didn't have a choice but to breath like that. Through all of this she is still trying to be such a lady. She worries about people seeing her in her condition. In fact I think this post is the first picture of Jess with no hair. I didn't ask for her permission....I know what the response would be. She says she is sorry when ever I have to do something for her. Even thanks. Doesn't she know I would do anything for her by now and she wouldn't have to say a word?

This day will blend into the next and into the next until we get Jesse home. I put myself in her place (probably why I am such a mess) as I think about her not sleeping in her own bed. I don't think she has slept through the night without being woke up or having to go to the bathroom since October 17th when we admitted her (it's already been that long). We medicate her when she is home and she has a pole and or backpack giving her meds when she is home. How nice it would be to be free of all of this if just for her stay at home.

By the way. Check out her pole (Baxter). That beast is heavy and hard to manuver to the bathroom when you are in a hurry. It's feeding 8 lines of meds into her right now. Our room is 8' wide and the length of a bed (in case you can't tell). The curtain separates you from the baby crying next to you or right now the Spanish channel on until 11:30pm.

Today, and every day, hug your loved ones with a kind of hug that speaks without the need for words. Love, and true love like Dee and I, don't need words when we are together. But it doesn't hurt to say it either.

Thanks for all the support and prayers. We love you all.


Anonymous said...

I have not posted before but have been reading daily and praying continuously! Your beautiful post has brought me to tears. As a mama of 5, I can not even begin to fathom what your precious family is enduring. Please know I am praying for your beautiful daughter and her faithful family! Thank you for sharing Jesse's journey...the Lord is truly being glorified!! Blessings, stacy
(found ya through my friend and yours, Erica)

Anonymous said...

Dear Catrons,
As we log on everyday and continue to pray for all of you, I did not think our hearts could break anymore, but as they say pictures are worth a 1,000 words. Thank you for your transparancy and for letting God do such a great work through your family. We will continue to stand in the gap for your family until Jesse is healed. Stay strong and keep looking up! We love you and we thank you for living out your faith.
In Christ,
The Hamrick Family

Grandma and Grandpa said...

Catrons: I don't know that I can find the words to say what I would like to say, in a way they will be understood. Thank you for Jesse's Journal, and your daily writings. You all do such a wonderful job. (I can always detect the song writer, when he writes.) I am so thrilled you are sharing your heartache and faith with others.--So many would never know that because of a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, even in the darkest valleys of the soul, the light of Jesus shines, and gives life, hope, and peace, if you didn't write about it in this Journal.
Philippians 4:13 "I can do (endure) all things through Christ which strengthens (continually empowers)me." I am so thankful that He didn't just create us, drop us on earth, and leave us to fend for ourselves! But He is always with us, upholding us, pouring His love, His life, His strength into us, encouraging us to keep on keeping on our life's journey with Him; and promising us a glorious eterity in heaven with Him when this short life is over!

It is rather difficult to remember that Jesus suffered such unimaginable agony, when our pain is so intolerable, but He did, until He can understand the extent of our pain, and stand on the right hand of our Father to intercede for us. Right now, He is telling our heavenly Father the pain Jesse is going through, and telling Him that He (Jesus) took the beatings,the stripes, the crown of thorns and the plucked beard for Jesse, that she might have perfect health. And she WILL have it. We don't need to tell God how bad Jesse's pain is; He already knows. -- We need to tell the pain how BIG our God is, and how loving and faithful He is.-- Sounds easy, doesn't it? But I know that isn't necessarily so. However, He gives us His mercy and grace to enable us to do it. (I know)

Be encouraged: this too shall pass, and Jesse will soon be climbing the mountain with a whole host af angels helping her!

Our church is praying for you all, and we have many prayer warriors in these mountains of Virginia that are interceding for you all, as we are.

Know that we love you all more and more, and are holding you close in our hearts.
Grandma and Grandpa

Anonymous said...

Dear Team Catron,

Clent, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Every time I read these posts, my heart is touched by your words (Dee's and Dakota"s also).

Also, thanks for the pictures, they do bring it closer for the rest of us.

Please know that if there is anything that my family can do for your family, I will certainly give it my best effort. I work downtown, so I can be a shuttle if needed.

Jesse, you are such a "Warrior". God has the most incredible plan for you. Just keep on fighting...

Praying daily for the entire team.

God's Blessings to you.
Norma Chastain and family

Anonymous said...

Dear Catron Clan,

I dont think words can bring light to what I am feeling just reading the posts. I am so incredibly sorry that you have to endure this. I could only imagine how much Clent that you want to take the pain away from Jesse. Just knowing Jesse for the time as she was younger, I want to take that pain and bear it for my own. It is so much more her being your child and baby girl.

The pictures bring so much more to light. I remember a few weeks ago when you posted Jesse in Starbucks....that hit me like a ton of bricks. I did not realize the pain in her eyes until then.

Clent, thank you for sharing. Thank you for bringing to light the intensity of the situation. For us to pray that much more fervently for Jesse's recovery. As I read your post I could think one main thing....continued fervent prayer....and fasting.

Dee, you are an amazing woman. You have done such incredible things with the family that you have. You are a provider, a citadel, a mother, a friend, a wife and more than words can describe. Jesse has a wonderful family that continues to care for her and be with her. The best support that she needs.

Jesse, stay strong hun. Continue to hold the Lord's hand and onto His heart. You are beautiful!




PraisinYahweh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PraisinYahweh said...

PraisinYahweh said...

Praying without end for you all. Thank you for your honesty and transparency. Thank you for allowing us to be so intimately involved in this journey ... God is teaching us all as we bear witness and pray. We love you all and send our deepest sympathy and prayers.

Erica said...

Oh my heart is breaking. I just got in last night and reading everything that has gone on this past week brings me to tears. Clent your transparency is beautiful. God is definitely being glorified through your family. His name shall be praised even in trials like these. Surrounding you all with prayers. Much much love.


krazzymommy said...

As hard as these pictures are to see and words are to read, they remind us to pray even more fervently.

AP Sharon Lynch said...

Dear Catrons,

Please know that my family and I pray for you all daily. We pray for Jesse to recover and for everyone to remain strong and brave.

Jesse, you are such a brave girl with a loving family and a strong network of faithful individuals. Please remain positive...things will improve and you will get better.

To your parents, again, your daily blogs absolutely bring me to tears and thank you for showing the "true" experience of what you are going through with your daughter.

Please know that many of Clent's coworkers at A&P read your blog daily as we are concerned and care about your family. We have not forgotten what you are going through...we remember every single day and look forward to a full recovery.

God bless all of you. May he keep you strong.

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