Good Morning to Jesse's friends and family,
Dee tried to warn me. She tried to prepare me for what I was about to encounter with Jesse staying with her Friday and Saturday. Reading Dee's post and talking to her on the phone several times I thought I was ready. As soon as I walked in the room the tears started flowing. It wasn't her face, lips or cheeks being all swollen. It wasn't all the bruises on her body or the sound of each struggled breath. It was her eyes. The sadness. The way they were crying out to me for help. She raised her little hand for me to come. I dropped my bags and held her as we both cried. All she could say was "it hurts so bad".
It wasn't very long before I got to experience the throwing up blood. These sores, that are all the way down her throat, are open and bleeding. They drain blood into her stomach. Since your stomach can't digest it you have to through it up. It's not just a little bit either. It's like throwing up crushed glass. The pain is so severe she cries every time. The same is true for taking her medicine (by mouth) that they can't give her in her IV. It's like swallowing glass.
As I lay here listening to each breath that Jesse struggles to take, and praying there is a next one, I am reminded of Mary and what she must have gone through when she watched them beat and whip her son Jesus. Now I know how she felt having to watch her child suffer so much pain and couldn't do anything to help. How her heart must have broken. There was a man that was forced to help Jesus carry his cross when it got to heavy and the hill was to steep. I want to volunteer to be that man for Jesse. I would give anything to take this from her. She has suffered so much and the cross is so heavy for her little frame and the hill is so steep right now. She has carried this burden long enough. But I can't do a thing. I am just like Mary. I have to stand by and watch as she hits bottom under the weight of this disease. These are by far her darkest hours. She is in so much pain. She was crying this morning around 2am and as I held her she was asking for something.....but I couldn't understand her. She can barely talk and her tongue is so swollen. How helpless I felt. She is asking for help and I don't understand her.
I am sorry for the pictures but unless you are here you can not possibly understand what Jesse is going through. How I pray for all the others that take this journey. These are the sores that are all through her mouth and throat.
If you are a person that prays for Jesse please pray for her today like you never have before. She is in the darkness of the valley and needs all of our support and the healing that only God can provide. We need a miracle.