Friday, November 14, 2008

Day 12 of Recovery




Good Morning Prayer Warriors,


Dee and I want to thank everyone that took time to send Jesse a message. She is inspired by knowing people are thinking about her and she isn't in this by herself.


She had a rough night emotionally last night. After an episode of the bathroom routine she crawled back in bed and covered her head and tried not to let me see her crying. I curled up with her and held her while she cried. She told me she wanted to go home and stay home. I am sure she is thinking of the journey ahead and at day 12 of recovery how much pain she is still in, the throwing up, the fevers and worst of all no hair. I had a hard time comforting her. She knows the story of how hard Jesus prayed in the Garden because of his journey ahead and the pain and suffering he would endure. But he went for the good of all mankind. Her journey probably isn't for the good of all mankind but if one person is touch by her trial and comes to know the Lord would it be worth it? She said yes. She calmed down a little bit. This showed me, something I already knew, about how big Jesse's heart is. She would give and do anything to not have to go through this but if someone else benefits from it she will press on. I told her I would give anything for me to be able to go through this instead of her. Her response....you would have to wear a diaper and pad. We laughed about that for a while. I am sure that vision is stuck in her mind for a while.


Her ANC count went back up to 140! The Doctors are in a meeting now discussing Jesse's diagnosis of the virus HHV6. They tested her a few days back and then again yesterday and the virus is increasing in size so they are aggressively treating her now, with a drug I won't even attempt to spell, three times a day for two weeks. They think this might be causing some of the fever and diarrhea. Doing the math on the treatment days looks like we might miss our window for having Thanksgiving at home :(


Hug your kids tonight and don't forget to pray with them. Teach them young that God hears prayers. Thanks again for all the support.


P.S. Jesse's picture is what she is going through behind the smile. Her white blood cells are so low that she bruises very easy. Just using her elbows to prop herself up or roll over caused much of the bruises. Keep praying for her speedy recovery. Thanks

46 comments:

Lindsay said...

Sister,

I haven’t been able to write you because I didn’t know what to say…because I really couldn’t comprehend what you were going through, therefore I couldn’t find the words. Now that I have been by your bed side I can’t get the thoughts and visions out of my head. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it pains me to have left you there…in your bed..in your little room. Every time I look up at the clock I used to wonder what you were doing and now I know. I thought coming home would be somewhat of a relief; it wasn’t. As I sit here on my comfortable couch I can’t help but feel the urge to run away… back to you, back to my little bed in your little room. I miss you so much already, I loved being there and being able to take care of you. As for now I will sit here and think of you constantly, I love you Jesse.

Kirkham Family said...

Don't cry Jesse,
it makes me sad...I can't imagine how hard this is for you. It breaks my heart that your suffering, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will overcome this and just think everyday is a day closer to the end of treatments/chemo and hospital stays. You will be home soon and hanging out again, just hang in there! We love you tuff girl...

I love what Clent wrote about Jesus in the Garden, how hard that must have been for Christ to know what they were going to do to Him and the price He was going to pay for us--mind blowing that He stayed the course and because of it we all can have eternal life. You will come out and in the end only God knows the impact you are going to have on so many people, especially the youth of today. God Bless You and know that my prayers for you are ceaseless. Judy

The Shea's said...

Hi Jesse,
I read your blog everyday. And almost everyday I cry. Mostly because my heart aches for you and I know what a burden this must be for a 16 year old girl. And even though you don't know me, we've never met. I think of you often, and I pray for you often. I am touched by your strength, and at 20-10 years old (I have a hard time with my age :0) and a Christian myself...I question whether my faith would be as strong! You amaze me! Keep on hanging in there!

The Shea's said...

To Lindsay- I've experienced a miscarriage myself. And while it's something you never forget. I hope you can take some comfort in God's timing. We never know why things happen the way that they do. In my case I know that God wanted to bless me with my son Tyler just a year later. He wouldn't have been here otherwise. Take the time to grieve, and don't feel silly because you need to grieve for a child that wasn't born yet. A child is a child whether they're in your belly or out of it. And in my opinion it hurts pretty much the same, regardless of the timing in losing them. Hope this helps some...I know that it helped me to talk with someone who'd gone through the same thing.

The Mannings said...

Hey Jesse, this is Caty from church. I apologize for not keeping up in your blog or commenting more, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten about what you and your family are going through. I think about you everyday and I just keep praying. I've told most of my christian friends and even my non-christian friends about what you've been enduring for the past few weeks, and they've all praying and 'thinking' (for people who don't pray) about and for you. God will give you and your family strength, but it seems your family is pretty strong as it is. It takes trials like these to show how strong you guys actually are, just keep praying. You guys have been nothing but a blessing keeping us up to date on her progress, and I can't wait to see you all again so I can hug everyone! :]

Anonymous said...

Jesse,

To hear daily about the trials you are going through breaks our hearts. As a dad, I can't even imagine the pain that your parents feel as well. You are completely right that if one person turns to Jesus through this, it is all worth it!

Even though I don't know you personally, I've learned a ton about you as a person. I've learned that you have great strength, a huge heart, that you are beautiful inside and out, and most of all that you love Jesus with all that you are!

We are praying for you every day and look forward to your quick recovery. God gave me this verse this morning. Hope it blesses you as it blessed me!

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

Keep fighting! Praying for all of you!

Jeremy & Korinne Ashlock

Grandma said...

Jesse Girl, I love you beyond comprehension (as I love all of your family), and if it were possible, I would count it a priviledge to take all of the pain and suffering from you, and carry it my self. I would gladly carry the wracking heart pain that your Mom and Dad are feeling. But that isn't God's way. Life is like a jigsaw puzzle, with many pieces. Only the Master and creator of it knows how it will look when it is finished. Only He knows how the pieces must fit together to compliment the whole. Some pieces are dark and stormy; some have rays of light shining through the darkness; others are all sunshine bright with beautiful flowers and animals; some are mostly bright with shadows here and there. But it is HIS creation. He never leaves it alone, but gently and lovingly places each piece where it belongs. The dark pieces show how bright the sunshine really is. We have to go through dark places, sometimes, not only until we can see how bright the good times are, but also that others might see. The Bible says we are as a light sitting on top of a hill for everyone see. It isn't the least bit easy, but we can rest in God's promises, knowing that they are true and faithful. And knowing that this, to, shall pass, and we will all be stronger in the faith and virtues, able to help others more effectively through their dark places.


Grandpa said hello and that he loves you very, very much.--We cry when you cry. And we will all laugh again. Goodness, I just had a mental picture of your Dad in a diaper and all the trimmings!

krazzymommy said...

Hi Jesse,

I go to CCS, as well, and found your blog here through the Mannings. I agree with the poster that I try and visit every day and always end up in tears. My heart hurts for you. I hurt that you are going through this. I hurt for your parents and your family. I am praying for you guys - you, Lindsay, everyone. I pray that God would turn this entire situation into something that glorifies Him. Stay strong - spiritual strength is the most important there is. It upholds us when our bodies and our emotions fail.

Thank you all who are maintaining this blog. It is a daily reminder to pray for you guys.

{{{Hugs, Jesse}}}

Love,
Monica L.

Anonymous said...

Oh Jesse,
Please don't think for a minute that your aren't touching people. I am sure we will never know the number of people who read your blog everyday. I shared about you and read some of your blog at our last womens study. I could see ladies writing down the website so they could check in on you also. I am so sorry...I know you ask why and wonder how this could happen and why it has to be so bad...I pray that somehow, someway the Lord will minister to your heart in such a mighty way that you will be strengthened and encouraged. HE IS THE LIFTER OF OUR HEAD!!
It's hard when your 16 and you would rather be at the movies or the mall or with your friends. I can assure you that countless lives are touched by your strength!
Clent, you words grip a parents' heart! We pray for you and Deanna also, as I am sure you ask God "why?"
Even as I try to write words of comfort to you all, I am not sure they come out right. We know the only true comfort and strength comes from above and you all CLEARLY have it.
With steadfast prayers,
The Turner Family

Anonymous said...

Hi Jess,
Just want to send another love letter from the Baranski's. We are all so burdened for you. Jess, just like your mom and dad say, you are so-beautiful with or without hair. Your sweet, kind, gentle, and loving heart is what I have always seen in you, that is where true beauty begins. The beautiful hair will grow back to compliment your beautiful being in time. Our family prays for you, all through out the days/nights. Keep trusting Jesus, Jess. I have a friend in Cali named Rosemary who endured a road similar to yours, and guess what she is the most (healthy/healed)effective Godly Christian I know. Her testimony is so-powerful because of what she had endured AND she like you kept striving to keep her focus on the Lord while going through so-- much with her bouts with cancer. And God receives the glory for it and she gets to be used so---big to encourage, witness to others all around her. Tell your mom or dad to call us with anything they need, we just don't want to bother them when they are busy, but whatever they need we are here for them/you!! Sincerely, April (Joe and Kids).

lsuaz@yahoo.com said...

Dear Jesse - I just read what a tough time you had last night and how sad you feel at times. Of course you do - and that is when your lovely parent lays with you and holds you and props you up and brings you back a bit. It's just so unfair that we, as parents, can't carry our children's pain for them . . . what I wouldn't do to take my daughter's illness from her! But it made me think about a lovely book you just might want to read - "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper. Don went through a terrible car accident, and there is a passage in the book when he hits rock bottom - and his friend simply tells him, don't worry, when you can no longer carry on, we will carry on for you. And that is what we all will do for you. The prayers won't stop! This is what Don's friend told him: "We're taking over from here. You don't have to do a thing - not a thing - to survive. All you have to do is just lie there and let it happen. We're going to pray you through this." Don had many friends who prayed for him - but this was back before everyone was connected by the Internet - so you are way ahead! The chain of prayer going for you is incredible! Hang in there, baby girl, and know that in our house, we are on all day every day for you!

Amy Trimble said...

Jesse,
When my oldest came home and told me that she had a special request for us to pray for and mentioned you, my heart was heavy. We prayed for you and I will continue to lift you up in prayer for this to be over sooner than we know. God is in control as he always is when we believe in him. I have come to realize through many many trials at 31 years old in life and watching the enemy try and take us out over and over and over...that he will attack the strongest threats the hardest to try and take us out. You at this age and from what I have read about you...you are a fighter and you can do this. God says that by his stripes we are healed. Repeat that over and over, his Word is truth, even when the doctors state facts. Truth CHANGES FACTS.....I am a firm believer, born again and spirit filled. Put on the whole armour and stand firm. God is in control. Be encouraged Jesse. You will walk from this trial with the bigger testimony and I will join with you as a believer and kick the snot out of Satan....he has NO DOMINION!!!!!! Praying for you. I know you have lots of visitors, but if you ever want a few more that will pray with you and over you give us a call! Mr. Ruiz has Jasie in his class and she can pass the message. Stay strong in your faith, I can't fathom how hard it is for you, but I know that where two or more of us agree in HIS name...it is done....and there are WAY more than two of us praying for your healing and recovery. Smooth and easy recovery. With Love, Prayer and Blessings.


Amy Trimble

Anonymous said...

Hey Jesse!
YOUCH! Those look like they hurt! But hopefully it will all be over soon and you can go home because your ANC count is going to go up. Because you have to keep trusting in God that He is going to heal you. If you do that then you will know every thing is going to be ok. And it will be. You will get over this terrible disease, and you will go home, grow your beautiful hair back, and live your life to its fullest.

KEEP PRESSING ON JESSE!
natali l.

Darla said...

Hey Jesse I am on Meg's computer. Just wanted to let you know I love you and am praying for you. I knwo so many people that you have never even met or heard of are praying for you.

You know, when your parents mentioned Jesus praying in the garden my first thought was that picture I have always had in my head of him praying to the point of bleeding. Sweating blood. It is unfathomable to me that intensity.

I dont' know if it will help but you are inspiring.

I am praying for you that your ANC will go up more this weekend.

WEll its 4:00 or so and Meg helped me pick out a song for you.. so here is our song for you today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5PgheXxLqQ

If you click on my name at the top of the post you will see the video.

We love you
And to Lindsay, HUGS - big hugs.

Meghan <3 said...

Jesse love,

It's Meg...

So sorry about yesterday (or i guess the day before yesterday now) I was really lookin forward to talkin to ya and seeing you on the webcam... my darn computer was just being dumb... haha.

Well anyways, I looked at that picture with your new hair. Gosh Jesse you look so gorgeous! =]

Sorry to hear about the emotional night last night... you have no clue how horrible I felt just knowing that you were crying at all... I pretty much got very teary myself. =[

Hearing that your faith in God is so alive makes me happy though. I remember when we first became friends, I belived in God but wasn't really a strong christian... I never thought it was worth it to even bother. Especially with the friends I was hanging out with, they were such bad influences on me. Then after hanging with you for a while and becoming your friend, your good influence rubbed off on me... I sometimes wonder where on earth I would be now if I had never met you. (oh geeze I'm getting teary, are you?)

I miss you like CRAZY Jess. LOVE YOU SO MUCH... Stay strong k? i'm praying for you!

Love you... <3
Meghan

Erica said...

Sweet Jesse Girl -

My heart aches to see you fighting this nasty battle. Its definitely no fun and I know how hard this is for you, I wish there was more I could do to help you in this fight.

I know God has huge plans for your life and watching you walk this journey out in faith with such grace and determination challenges me. You are a blessing sweetie, one amazing girl. Stay Strong.

We pray for you many times a day and know that God is carrying you through.

Anonymous said...

Jesse,
We are praying with and for you. You are in our hearts.
We Love you,
Coral's mom
Andrea

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